Mel Robbins
If Someone You Love Is Having a Hard Time, Listen to This
Learn how to truly help someone you love.
When someone you care about is going through a difficult time, you can make a meaningful difference with a few simple words.
Today, clinical psychologist and three-time New York Times bestselling author Dr. Lisa Damour teaches you how to offer the right kind of support for your kid, partner, or friend without panicking, taking control, or trying to fix everything.
You’ll learn three questions that help you understand whether someone needs to vent, needs more support, or may need professional help.
Dr. Damour also explains why painful emotions are not always a sign that something is wrong, how to recognize when coping has become harmful, and why giving advice before understanding what someone needs can backfire.
Mel gets personal about supporting her husband through depression, parenting teenagers through intense emotions, and the mistakes she made when she tried to solve every problem.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
-The three questions to ask when someone you love is struggling
-How to tell the difference between normal stress and a serious mental health concern
-The two warning signs that someone may need professional support
-The exact words to use when someone shuts down or pushes you away
-Why the advice you give can make someone feel worse
-How to respond when someone is drinking, using substances, self-harming, or avoiding life
-How to listen so the person feels supported
-The simple question to ask when someone is venting
-How to stay calm when someone you love is overwhelmed
-When and how to ask directly about suicide or self-harm
-How to suggest therapy without making someone feel broken
-Why being a steady presence is one of the most helpful things you can do
By the time you finish listening, you’ll know what to say, what not to say, and how to show up for someone you love.
For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page:
https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-427/
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I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode.
In this episode, you'll learn:
00:00 Intro
07:23 Why uncomfortable has become unmanageable in today’s culture
11:42 What does it mean to be “mentally well”?
16:21 What is costly coping and what action to take when doing this
22:05 The parenting advice you need starts with compassion and understanding
29:06 Here’s how I wish I’d handled Chris’s depression differently.
32:01 Let’s look at the difference in emotions between genders.
36:58 How do you help people in your life who just can’t let it go?
41:02 Do your kids do this, too? It’s called the “defense of externalization.”
46:49 How do you know when it’s time to get a therapist involved?
50:18 The impact of the pandemic on adolescence
58:01 When are suicide thoughts normal and when are they concerning?
1:01:17 What happened to our nervous system during this time?
1:03:00 These are the concerns of Dr. Damour that we should watch for.
1:07:36 When do healthy habits become an obsession?
1:16:32 How do you let kids have emotions without letting them run the home?
1:18:07 Here is the most important thing you can offer your teen.
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Published May 18, 2023
